Quite simply put it is for health reasons and to feel comfortable in my own skin and therefore be more confident in myself. I was always told that confidence is key. I think if I had more of it, more things in my everyday life would be a lot easier. I would probably take on more than I have in the past, and as I am 27, I'm not growing any younger! I don't want to look back at my life and be disappointed because of little things like not wearing what I want because the clothes don't fit me, or not doing a dance class because I feel I am not in shape to do so. I want to look back and remember being happy and experiencing things. Granted I have gotten a lot better than I used to be in High School back home. For those who know me now, or even a few years back, don't even know the half of it. I am a different person, but I believe for the better, and I expect to change even more once I reach my target weight. But change doesn't have to be a bad thing. It's only a bad thing if we let it be, so here is to positive change!
I have been over weight most of my life. I have been made fun of by kids at school as long as I can remember, Kinder garden actually (so about 5 or 6 years old). Looking back at pictures, I don't particularly think I was heavy, I was just big bone, that's how I'm built. And in fact I don't think I will ever be as skinny as these models you see in magazines, but I'm perfectly okay with that. But of course at the time, you don't think that way, do you? The constant name calling and feeling like I didn't fit in did a real number on my confidence, on top of personal matters at home. I never really thought I had friends, there were a few people along the way that would talk to me, but I always tend to go off on my own. For a period of time I was afraid to eat in the lunch room around everyone else because I felt like I ate to much and that would give people more reason to pick on me. I remember eating next to the lockers to sort of stay out of sight of the majority of people. When I was 16 I managed to gain so much I weighed about 270 lbs (not quite 20 stone). My dad's mum was for as long as I can remember, bigger, she had Type 2 diabetes, took several pills everyday, had to give herself insulin shots and was hooked up to a breathing tube. So when I got to that point in my life, I freaked out thinking I would do that to myself, so I started losing weight.
A few years later I had a spike in my metabolism, ate healthier and managed to lose quite a lot. Then I went on the Atkin's Diet after someone suggested it to me (around the time when it had just become popular in the States) and managed to gain weight! I hated that diet and will never recommend it to anyone. I remember trying weight loss pills and some kind of Green Tea that was supposed to help lose weight. None of it ever worked and in the end I swore off weight loss diets.
I'm sure I gained more in the period of time, as I was up and down with weight a lot of the time. When I was asked to be a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding I had decided I would try and lose weight as I didn't feel comfortable in a dress (still don't to an extent). I did really good just walking, going to a gym, eating smaller proportions and drinking loads of water (which I am horrible with, at the moment I am not drinking enough water!) I think the lowest I managed to get was 170 lbs (about 12 stone) (not to far from my target), then I gained it all back when I moved over to the UK and have managed to be around 210 lbs (15 stone) since.
So I have decided that as my mother-in-law has done so well in the past year on SW that I had nothing to lose by trying. I paid for the countdown, which gives me more of a reason to stick to it, as it was money I didn't really have to spend (eek). And it's my determination and stubbornness coming through, as my husband said, in a good way! I am doing this for myself, no one else, not even Iain.
And that, I think, makes a big difference!
Furthermore, I want to remain healthy for life. I don't just want to reach my target weight and go off trail again and end up where I am now. I want to learn to eat healthy so I can live longer and enjoy life!
On a side not I think the fact that I was always into things that the majority of people didn't like never helped much as well, but I've been over that for ages. People are different and no matter how many people dislike the things I like, I will always be into them as that is me :)
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